Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Soul Prayer

Dear God, Goddess, All That Is
I love you.  Do you love me?
You made me, Heaven and Earth.
I don’t feel good enough for Heaven.
Don’t seem to fit here on Earth…

Why did you give these obstacles to us?
Why do I feel the urge to please everyone?
And strive to be beautiful.
To be wanted and desired,
Envied and admired…

I have guilt over noticing how beautiful women are,
Before noticing any man.
I have guilt over feeling beautiful, feeling sexual.
If I never have been in love with a woman,
Am I even bisexual?

How do I know who I really am?
What feelings are my own and what is mine?
And not what was taught to me,
Downloaded subconsciously.
Societies lessons of importance
Discarded by artists fed on disconformity. 

Am I afraid to love a woman?

Sitting here in this church,
The smell is like perfume mixed with earth.
Will you listen to me more in here?
Can you hear the music of my soul?

Am I afraid to love myself?

Do you need these labels to know about us?
It took me a long time to accept my sexuality.
Even learning about being demisexual,
Well, sounded almost supernatural.

Does it really matter that much, this sex talk?
This sex that happens between us all?

Am I afraid to love and be loved?

Sex is not the enemy.
But why do I feel dirty?
Hiding underneath the covers,
Shy in my nudity, shy in my passion,
Hungry in my desire, but please don’t look at me…

I can feel tears streaming now.
Am I sad or just embarrassed?
How I hate that feeling, of exactly how I look,
Visibly raw and puffy and out of control.
Please don’t look at me…

Are angels real? Are they spying right now?
I’d love for one to tell me it will all be okay one day.
If love is the strongest thing in the universe
Why do we make the expression of Love
So difficult, tainted and dirty?

Am I afraid to be happy?

Please talk to me.  I am here now listening…
I love you God, Goddess, All That Is.
Do you love me? 

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